Patrick's Laptop
by Leopardstorm
Summary: Patrick has succumbed to the powers of technology - see how he fairs! But Squidward's up to his scheming again, will Patrick and SpongeBob be able to survive? : My first SpongeBob fic - please read and review!
1. Seanut Brittle

**Well, if you don't know me, then I am Leopardstorm, a regular author over at the Warriors section of fanfiction (have a look; you may just get hooked on one…). This is my first delve into another section of the website, and I hope you will enjoy it.**

**This first one is probably only gonna be a five-shot, and is about Patrick's Laptop (if you hadn't guessed already).**

**Happy Reading**

**  
From Leopardstorm**

**Chapter One – Seanut Brittle**

"…and the little grey mollusc ran all the way home. There, done!" shouted SpongeBob as he did a little victory dance on the table. "Now I just have to upload this to and it will be complete…"

Suddenly, there was a bang at the door. Shrugging, SpongeBob waltzed over to the door, ready to answer it. But just as he went to open the door, BANG! The door fell on his face.

"Stop giving me that look!" somebody said above him. SpongeBob laughed. Patrick must have been playing 'Argue with a Random Object' again.

"Patrick, I'm down here!" he called.

"Oh, hi SpongeBob!" Patrick lifted the door off me and pulled me up. "The door was giving me shifty looks down there…"

Just then, his computer bleeped. Patrick screamed.

"Robot's are taking over the world!!!" Patrick ran round in circles until SpongeBob stopped him.

"No, that's just my laptop telling me I have an email," he explained. "Do you want to come see it?"

"Does it taste of Seanut Brittle?" Patrick asked.

"Um…no, but you can see pictures of seanut brittle!" SpongeBob gestured for him to come in.

"…where's the seanut brittle?" Patrick looked sad when he saw that his computer-thingy was just some metal thing that had random pictures on it.

"Here it is!" SpongeBob quickly tapped into Boogle to find pictures. In a few seconds, millions of pictures of seanut brittle came up on the screen.

"Here you can see it full-size!" SpongeBob said excitedly as Patrick drooled all over SpongeBob's desk. Just then, Patrick ripped the monitor off the laptop and chewed on it. _Patrick…not again…_ SpongeBob thought sadly. _Well, at least it wasn't like the last time in the library, when he ate seventy-five books all containing pictures of Krabby Patties in it…_

"What a rip-off!" Patrick exclaimed. "It doesn't taste anything like seanut brittle!" He gulped the rest of the monitor down, but immediately burped out the wires.

"Well," SpongeBob said while wiping his face to get rid of phlegm from Patrick's burp "you can buy your own laptop down the electronics store, just be care-"Patrick had already ran out of the house and towards the town shopping centre.

"-ful" SpongeBob finished, sighing deeply. "I just hope he's not too disappointed when he finds out that you have to pay for it…

**Well, that's that. Please review, it makes my day. I know they are short, but so is Patrick's brain span! :)**

**Peace out**

**Leopardstorm!**


	2. Money Talks but Patrick Headbutts

**Chapter 2 of Patrick's Laptop!! :) Thank you to the two people that reviewed!**

**Calm-waters: yes , it is sooooo cute!**

**Laughing Rain: :) It's nice to know I am the first to do something!**

**Okay this is from Patrick's POV!**

**Peace out from Leopardstorm!**

**Chapter 2 – Money Talks But Patrick Headbutts**

Patrick sped off towards the electronics store, eager to get his very own seanut brittle. He had ran straight from SpongeBob's pineapple to the Bikini Bottom Mall in 37 seconds because he was so excited.

He ran up to the outlet store but had to pause for a little bit of breath before he entered. He walked in to the warm shop. There were curious little gadgets that made you want to press every button and there were lots of machines that had pictures on it.

Patrick waltzed up to the video camera section. _Those buttons… _his brain thought_ so…tempting…._ and before he knew it he was pressing the big red button saying '_Do __NOT__ press'._

BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"SECURITY!" screamed a male fish at the counter.

"Come with us, sir!" some bulky whales started to push Patrick towards the exit.

"Excuse me, sir!" Patrick said cheekily. "What's the point of having a 'Do NOT Press' button if you are not allowed to press it? If you ask me it's-"and with that he was chucked out of the store.

"I will get my seanut brittle!" Patrick vowed. "But I'm going to need stealth to do it…"

_French narrator: Two__** YEARS **__later…_

"….zzz" Patrick was sleeping away at the spot that he had been standing in for the last two years. Suddenly, he was awake with a jolt. "AAAAHHH! BURGLER!!" he shouted, earning him weird looks from onlookers and passers-by.

"Hi Patrick!" SpongeBob walked up to his buddy. "I haven't seen you in a while. Did you go on holiday...blah…blah…" SpongeBob's words fell onto deaf ears (literally) as for once Patrick had remembered what he was there for.

"I will get my seanut brittle!" he growled as he marched into the store, knocking over SpongeBob and a carrot mascot on the way.

"Listen to me!" Patrick shouted to the shop assistant, a posh-looking male who looked like he had peed himself. "I want my seanut brittle and I want it no-"

There it was. A machine…with Seanut Brittle on it!!

"I want this one please!" he shoved the box into the shop assistant who looked distastefully at the starfish's face.

"Haven't I seen you before!" he spat ungraciously.

"Um….no!" Patrick looked rather tense (like the time he had to dress up as Patricia).

The cashier shrugged and said, "That will be $1600 and 76¢ exactly please…"

Patrick pulled out his pockets. Nothin'. Then he checked his underwear. Just dust. Finally he checked his belly-button. Just a packet of out-of-date chewing gum and some pocket lint.

"Well if you have no money, you have no laptop _or_ Seanut Brittle!" the cashier looked smug.

"GRRRR!" Patrick growled like Clamu on an emotional rampage. He was so angry, he head-butted the assistant and ran with the laptop/Seanut brittle thing. He ran all the way home, ready to try his new Seanut brittle….

**Hope you liked it**

**As ever, please review and it's….**

**Peace out!**

**Leopardstorm!**


	3. Sunday

****

Chapter 3 of Patrick's Laptop has finally come! I have had a bumpy ride of late, but now I'm back, and the story is back and YAY!

**Calm-Waters: Thank you! I did think of leaving it there, but I have new inspiration for this story.**

**Laughing Rain: Narrator FTW!**

**Riverfur: Woop!**

**Night with glowing stars: Thanks**

**My Animated Imagination: Pleasure to meet you. I'm a Warriors writer at heart, but if I get any more inspiration, I'll try and get a story in. **

**Tigerstar: …ok…**

**This is from Squidward's PoV! WOOOOOO!**

**Keep reading,**

**Leopardstorm**

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Sunday**

Sunday. The day my cheapskate boss is forced to give us the day off. Sunday is the day that I can recover from the misery and despair that is work, and especially SpongeBob. The sun peeked through my bedroom window and onto my bedsheets, slowly but surely waking me up.

"Ah," I yawned. "Good morning Clarie." Clarie didn't say anything, but I knew she was bursting with joy. "This is perfect: no work, no early-mornings, and no SpongeBob!" I laughed quietly as I got up.

After I got up, had breakfast and read the Sunday Paper (which this time wasn't all over the floor like last week), I sat down outside with some Chamomile Tea.

"This is almost too perfect…" I murmured suspiciously. "Where is that yellow headache?" I looked around. Silence…

By four o'clock, there was still no sign of SpongeBob or Patrick. I was even able to have my weekly foot massage without incident. Suddenly, there was a massive bang as Patrick slammed into my door.

"Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!" Patrick was literally breaking down my front door. Sighing, I opened the door.

"What do you want, Patrick?" If I kept ignoring him, it would only get worse. _Better to get the pain over and done with now, Squiddy. Just remember your karma. _

"Look! Look! Seanut Brittle!" Patrick slammed what looked to be a brand new laptop. I was amazed. _How can Patrick afford something like that?!_

"How much was it?" I asked him, although I knew I wouldn't get an answer worth hearing.

"Um…I don't know, but doesn't look tasty?" His disgusting saliva dripped onto my foot.

"Eugh, Patrick, that's disgusti –" I stopped. "What do you mean you don't know?" Then I smirked. "You stole it, didn't you?"

"…no," Patrick looked terrified. _That should keep him away for the rest of the day… _"Goodbye, Patrick…" I shut the door on his blabbering. It was then that I had a fantastic idea.

"If I framed Patrick for theft, that means I wouldn't have to see him for at least another five years, and SpongeBob would probably decapitate himself in misery." I grinned evilly. "This could be my chance."

And with that, I got to work.

-x-

By dinnertime, I formulated a whole plan. This was even more important than my clarinet recital practice I had planned. I had it all worked out. I'd invite SpongeBob and Patrick over for drinks the next day, then I would get him to show me what he can do with his laptop. Then, because he probably would have forgotten to take the receipt, I would ring the police. Then the police would come, they would be jailed and I would finally be able to plant that shrub I had got from Canada. This plan had to work.

This chapter is short, I know, but it is important. The next chapter is the last one…will Patrick get arrested? Will SpongeBob get reviews for the story he submitted? Will Squidward be able to plant that shrub? You'll find out next time!!!

**Thanks for reading!**

**  
Leopardstorm**


	4. The Dinner Party

**Hello SpongeBob fans everywhere! Here it is: the final chapter of Patrick's Laptop. D: But I do hope you have enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry the updates are awfully far apart, but if you look at the stories bit, I have a novel, a one-shot series, a chat-series, a really old story I'd like to update, two humour fics, and this, so you can see much I have to do. **_**You've given yourself too much work! **_**One could say that, but I kinda like the challenge. When the summer holidays come along in mid-July, I'll definitely have **_**a lot **_**of time to update.**

**Responses:**

**Regards,**

**Leo.**

**PS – don't forget to review!**

**PPS – Squidward PoV**

Chapter 4 – The Plan

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. _Come on Patrick, your need to __**pick**__ up the phone to talk into it…that's if you're not scared of it…_ Eventually that receiver picked up the phone.

"If it's the librarian I haven't eaten those seventy-five books, it was my…" Patrick reached into the darkest, unused realms of his brain and came back. "My…twin, Kcirtap. Yes, that's it! He's a suspicious one…"

"It's me, you dunce!" I shouted down the receiver, but then remembered my plan. "Say, Patrick, how about a little party over mine this evening? And you could bring your laptop, and all of the seanut brittle in the world!"

"Okay?" I could hear Patrick jump up and down. "What time?"

"7?"

"Sounds great, Squidward."

"Bye, Patrick." I went to put down the phone, but Patrick shouted on the other side. "What?"

"Can I use your bathroom, I really need to go…now!" he clenched his teeth.

"Patrick you're in your own home, why can't you go in your own toilet?" I gritted my teeth.

"I don't think I can make it!" His voice strained.

"Then you definitely won't make it!" I screamed down the line.

"That's okay, I don't need it anymore," Patrick put the phone down. I sighed. _Just keep smiling, Squiddy, everything will pay off tonight._

-x-

Seven o'clock came quicker than I had anticipated, but I had still managed to set the table and chairs in Feng Shui. Feeling the good air come through, I sat down to read the Monday Paper: _Great Laptop Thief Strikes Again!_ _**This is almost too easy!**_

As I picked up _Great Library Robberies _by _M. T. Shelves _off the floor, the doorbell rang. I knew exactly whom it was because of the incessant giggled outside. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"SpongeBob, Patrick, what a pleasure," I smiled, almost to the point of sarcasm. "Why don't you take a seat at the table, and Patrick can get his laptop out."

"Laptop? I thought you meant seanut brittle," he looked confused, but I stopped myself from facepalming and losing it completely. "Do you want me to get it?"

"That would be smashing, Patrick," I told him and he sped off (well, sped off in terms of Patrick's speeds) to get his laptop. About ten minutes later he came back, laptop under arm. _Everything is falling into place. _My two 'guests' sat down at the dinner table, Patrick put the laptop on the chair next to him.

"How about some soda, guys?" I was going to be careful not to give them too much (I'd learnt from the last time I gave them soda).

"Yes please," they both said in unison. They pushed their glasses toward me.

After about ten minutes, everyone was happy and talking, and Patrick was showing SpongeBob the presentation he had made about Seanut Brittle. This was my chance.

"Do you fellers mine if I make a quick phone call?" I asked innocently.

"Not at all, Squidward," SpongeBob chirped and went back to Patrick's presentation.

"Thank you," I smirked and dialled 911. "Cops, I have the laptop thief here. Come quickly…100 Conch Street, yes, I have him, he has no idea. Thanks." I put the phone down and rubbed my hands together in evilness.

"Meanwhile," the French Narrator said.

"Let's play hide-and-seek!" SpongeBob threw his hands into the air. "I'm sure Squidward would like to look at your PowerPoint all night!"

"Okay," Patrick stood up. "You hide, I'll count." Patrick went to count with his face in the sofa.

"And back with Squidward…" the French Narrator said. "Can I get zome more moostard on that? Oh, turn zit off!"

"SpongeBob, Patrick, I'm back!" I walked into the diner – I was back, but they were not. _No! The plan won't work!_ "Come back!" I pretended to feel lonely. Suddenly, there was a bang at the door. _The police are here!_ I smirked.

"Hello officer," I opened the door, but he grabbed my hands.

"You're under arrest, thief!" he barked. _What? I'm not the thief!_

"But I'm not the thief," I stuttered.

"You fit the description, law-breaker," he showed me the WANTED poster: sure enough, the description looked like me, but slightly different. For a start, my name wasn't Geoff. But they weren't going to give me a chance. Before I knew it, I was thrown in the car and we were driving to the jail. _How? I had it all worked out. And now I'll be spending time in the Slammer. _

I saw the Monday Newspaper on the seat and had another look. I had presumed that it was Patrick, but I looked at the CCTV pictures released: It was a tall octopus, and a lot like me. Except it wasn't me. I was innocent. Well, at least I'll get years of peace away from them.

"Meanwhile, with SpongeBob and Patrick," the French Narrator remembered to turn his microphone off this time.

"I wonder where Squidward went," SpongeBob walked out of his neighbour's Easter Island head in puzzlement.

"Maybe he went for a rest." Patrick shrugged.

Get it? A rest? Arrest? Never mind, I thought it was funny. Don't forget to review and I may come round the section of FF very soon!

**Lots of thank yous!**

**Leo. **


End file.
